The Joke/Funny videosThread

[bob2701]

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know -- five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."

[bob2701]

Another Golf one.


Tom stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing..

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What in the world is taking so long?"

"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Tom explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

His companion said, "You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here."

[bob2701]

Explain the Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big a$$ and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

[Manduh]

[Mouse]

Subj: Two Elderly Women

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done,
when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a
beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't
know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging
basket."

[Manduh]

lol Mouse, so true!

[bob2701]

I think it was the same guy who started "Cow Tipping"

[slugbug]

[Manduh]

BAHAHAHA!! Best response ever!

[bob2701]

LMAO